How a Hipster Learned to Love Capitalism

One day, Adam the hipster was looking around in the forest for more stickers to put on trees. Adam stepped on a fancy vervet monkey and almost got bitten by it. He picked up his crucifix iPhone 5S and started to pray until an idea came up. “How can I get more grumpy shakes?” Now Adam understood that at least he thought so, capitalism is here to stay, so we just have to learn how it works! So Adam took his old black Toyobaru out of the garage and drove downtown into a very expensive store with vintage stuff. There, he bought some nice clothes together with a little yappy Yorkie dog, which is named something like “Snowball” or “Stormtrooper” due to its white fur coloration. When Adam came home from his shopping trip, there were some people standing outside his flat who offered services. Unaware of what they wanted from him, Adam told them that there was something wrong with his fridge. As he couldn’t find any repairmen for free anymore, he realized that those gangsters pressured him into giving them massages in exchange for keeping silent about the bribe. So after a few months full of hustle & bustle, this hipster learned how well capitalism works and finally overcame his moral values laid onto him since childhood by well-meaning socialist teachers at school while reading /r/dankmemes mixed in with some furry artworks from DeviantArt in order not to repress those urges coming from deep inside himself...