The Goose Who Laid Woke Eggs

Once upon a time, there lived a very greedy man who was very good at keeping money and not spending it. One day, he was in his room and heard a scratching noise and thought it was his wife. Then she walked in and saw him with his hand outstretched towards the wall. She thought whatever he was trying to do wasn’t working because when she asked him about what was wrong, all he said was “Nothing.” The next morning, when the woman left for work, the man heard that same scratching noise again and decided to go out of his room and see who it was this time. He found a goose in the corner of the room saying, “Needs something in return for your help,” and in its beak, there were two eggs. The egg on the right had words written in gold and silver ink, ‘Woke up,’ while the one on the left had it written in green ink, ‘Laid.’ The greedy man didn’t want these eggs, so he told them to leave him alone so he could have some peace of mind, but they didn’t listen. They kept coming back every single day until he finally gave up on them. A few years later, it turned out that both eggs were important things that had an impact on people’s lives —one being Assange’s leaked emails, which caused Hillary Clinton’s defeat in running for president of America, while the other being Justin Bieber getting arrested for hitting a paparazzi with his car after hearing rumors saying that Selena Gomez had cheated on him with another guy. The end.